So, I wake up New Year's morning, and cron lights off and tells me the time has arrived for annual system maintenance.
I go and get the cheat sheet. Okay, what do I do first? "Run `fsck'". Fine.
spam> fsck /dev/raw/brain: last mounted on / i=69 mode=670411 owner=root unreferenced file -- reconnect? n clear? y superblock corrupt -- repair? y 65472 files, 33748898 blocks.
Gee. A missing file. In my BRAIN. Yuck. I wonder what it is...
/excretory/bladder: file system is full
Shit. No. Piss. I gotta pee during system maintenance. Go to bathroom. Prepare everything.
spam> urinate -f -g -x /dev/penis: no such file or directory
AAAAAAAAAAAUAGH! I think I just found my missing file...
spam> ls -l /dev/p* crw-rw-rw- 1 root 121, 0 Sep 26 1962 /dev/pancreas crw-rw-rw- 1 root 71, 0 Sep 26 1962 /dev/parathyroid crw-r--r-- 1 root 67, 0 Sep 26 1962 /dev/pineal crw-r--r-- 1 root 75, 0 Sep 26 1962 /dev/pituitary spam> mknod /dev/penis c ...
Er, what's the major device number?
spam> grep -i penis /sys/spam/conf.c #include "penis.h" #if NPENIS > 0 I certainly hope so! extern int penisprobe(); Sounds fun. extern int penisattach(); Detachable penis? extern int penisopen(); Ouch. extern int penisclose(); Messy without this one. extern int penisioctl(); Should be able to control these things. extern int penisintr(); This is important! penisopen, penisclose, nodev, nodev, /*69*/ penisioctl, penisintr, nodev, nodev,
Aha!
spam> mknod /dev/penis c 69 0 spam> chmod a+rwx /dev/penis spam> urinate -f -g -x
Ahhhhhhhh......
Whew.
Okay, done with that. What's next?
"Get current patches and bug fixes"
spam> autopatch br0: connecting to spamsite.arcturus.exp connected. available: flirt.o details? y Bugs fixed: bug 4488229: reported by chused@husc.harvard.edu parser problem, responds incorrectly to replies like "yes, but not ever". bug 4488104: reported by carole@intercon.com protocol is not robust to glitches on communications link bug 4388288: reported by dreamy@fandom-house.org clueserver is BROKEN! install? y flirt.o: 1/1/94 29837988 bytes. available: flame.o details? y Bugs fixed: bug 40228478: reported by feste@world.std.com trace log is way too long bug 39874511: reported by jym@remarque.berkeley.edu decision module is unstable -- flames on trivia, ignores bait bug 37993040: reported by raoul@athena.mit.edu deconstruction module is too efficient -- overreduces arguments install? y flame.o: 1/1/94 92347892384729847 bytes. available: fuck.o details? n install? n reason? I never get to use it anyway. available: hack.o details? n install? y hack.o: 1/1/94 564 bytes. available: horsesense.o details? ^Y session disconnect requested by user.
Screw this. I'll muddle through till next year. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!
-- SpaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaJohn Rehwinkel